He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
