I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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