Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
