i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
