do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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