I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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