matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
