Quick, to the slutcave!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
