yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
