I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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