I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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