Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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