Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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