just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
