I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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