dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
