dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My dick has a subreddit
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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