I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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