the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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