Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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