Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
