the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
