I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize