i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
