I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Send help, water and tortillas.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
