I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
