There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
