She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
