I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
