I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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