Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
