SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
