hotel room ftw
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
