No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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