I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize