if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
