What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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