You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
