i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What did we do last night that was yellow?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize