man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
