Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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