Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
