so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
