Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
