I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
