you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
