At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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