good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You took a bar mat shot.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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