It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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