my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize