I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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