I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
