Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
