honey bunches of taint.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
They are going to name an STD after you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
