Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
