I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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