I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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