So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize