1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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