i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
