I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize