Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
