You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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