Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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