when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
