Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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