The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
