I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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