I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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