You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
