If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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