Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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