my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize