So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
