She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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