every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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