Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just gargled with NyQuil
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
