jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
