I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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