i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize