i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
thus making me awesome and them whores
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
