The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
