You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
