Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
