there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
