It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize