And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
