It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
