U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
