Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize