Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
