No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
