i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
