the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
