She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
