I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize