as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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