What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
