there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
