This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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