I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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