I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You were trust falling into bushes
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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