You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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