I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
