im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
